Until My Prince Comes...

Moved!

2009-06-02T01:20:00.001-07:00

I moved my blogs to the cooler website, Wordpress :)

http://lindseyramblesivory627.wordpress.com/

Keep in touch! <3

Beloved

2009-03-19T12:28:00.003-07:00

All my secular love songs are off my iPod. (Except Josh Groban. he doesn't count.)
Jesus DIED for me.
I refuse to be His bride that keeps "chasing lovers that won't satisfy."
And for me, right now, that means not listening to secular love songs, even Taylor Swift, and Disney Princesses.
Hard.
But worth it.

What is keeping you from your Lover? What are you chasing that won't satisfy?
Get rid of it.

-Lindsey

Late-night poetry :)

2009-03-12T00:16:00.005-07:00

I kind of just had a, chill out hour. I played some solitare, and wrote. I wrote two poems, among other things. I rather like them. They are both the cry of my heart. I will, however, only share one, as the other is entirely...not written for human eyes :)

What Is Love?

What is love?
Is it hugs and kisses,
Holding hands and making wishes?
Could it be butterflies and flowers, calling on the hour?
Dancing in spring showers? What is love's mystic power?!
Is love in an enamored glance?
Or maybe in a body-induced trance?

Though I have yet to give my heart,
I have been hit by love's hot dart...
For One, you see, has died for me,
And when into His eyes I gaze,
The "love" of the world becomes a haze.
Thus, to my Lover my life I give,
And someday...
Someday...
With my prince I'll live.

No theivery! It's mine and I worked hard on it!!!

Keep fighting. Keep waiting. God won't let you down. What He withholds we are not lacking.

I encourage you to take a "you" night; it does wonders for your perspective! :)

Now if you''ll excuse me, it's nearly 1AM. yeah...bad. And I have to get up around seven! Oh goodness. But the fresh look is better :)

Oh, and listen to While I'm Waiting by John Waller.

-Lindsey

Newfound empathy for dogs

2009-03-04T23:15:00.002-07:00

Have you ever been out walking your dog and jerked on the leash? Sure, if your dog is anything like mine, they deserved the correction.

But I started thinking tonight, how much I feel like a dog on a leash, being jerked around by my emotions.

I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing. I'm really sick of it actually. And it's annoying when I think I've got a grip on myself how they just drag me back down again. There has to be a way to defeat these evil things. I officially hate being a teenage girl. lol.

Like, tonight. I'm super giddy right now. I had an orange soda, and I got communcation with my friend in Ohio today, and I was texting with one of my favorite people all evening, and it was just really fun. We were fake flirting (so funny, lol) and stuff, and it was just so much fun.

Then I thought to how earlier I was so grumpy over a really weird really annoying piano lesson.

Am I that shallow that my moods can just jerk me around like that? I really hate being this unstable all the time. Like..................yeah. I want to be an even kilter kind of girl. None of this roller coaster junk.

Sure some stuff will alter your happiness, but should it alter your stand? I guess that's more what I'm driving out. I posted a NO BOYS ALLOWED sign on my heart last week, and today, i caught myself wanting to take that sign down and let this one in.

Por que? Because I like how he writes? Because I want to be really close to him? Last time I checked that was possible without dating. So why do I let myself do this? No sir. not this time. That sign is staying up.

But.....how are you supposed to know when it's okay to take it down? What if I'm ignoring a feeling that's supposed to be there? what.......am I even saying?! See what I mean?! It's SO FRUSTRATING!

::::::sigh::::::::::

My day was still awesome. I've just got more stuff I have to work through. More stuff to talk to God about. I'm so glad He doesn't give up on me, even when I want to. <3

-Linz

Haha

2009-02-11T21:51:00.006-07:00

Funny how God works, isn't it?

"Loving things like you has wrecked my life, made me cry
Loving things like you has made me lose my mind
And I can't figure out why I've been hanging on
To all these things I've tried to leave behind me for so long

And I think it's time to find a better way to live my life
Than loving all those things that keep me wrapped so tight

Cuz everyone wants everyone else's eveything
Sometimes the more we have the less we really gain
I'm tired of loving all that money has to buy
Get out of my heart, out of my mind, leaving you behind

Loving things like you has left me bruised, black and blue
Loving things like you has made me so confused
And I can't figure out what I've been waiting on
God I can't be living for things I know are wrong

Now I think it's time to write a better chapter in my life
Leaving all those things that keep me wrapped so tight

Cuz everyone wants everyone else's eveything
Sometimes the more we have the less we really gain
I'm tired of loving all that money has to buy
Get out of my heart, out of my mind, leaving you behind

Why are we obsessed with possessions here on earth?
Go and take a look at the flowers and the birds
God is always taking care of nature's every need
And how much more important in The Father's eyes are we?
I said, how much more important in The Father's eyes are we?
He sees everything.....

Everyone wants everyone else's eveything
Sometimes the more we have the less we really gain
I'm tired of loving all that money has to buy
Get out of my heart, out of my mind, leaving you behind."
-Things Like You-Sanctus Real

I've noticed God most talks to me through music. lol.
True love from above.
-Lindsey
(haha, that was a lame rhyme. sorry...)

Grrr....hiss....pop! bang!

2009-02-11T21:41:00.003-07:00

Don't worry, your car isn't exploding.

I'm just......................LOSING MY SANITY!

well, if you know me, you're thinking, hasn't that been gone for a long time.
hahaha, fuuunnny guys.....
no, seriously.
I am having the worst, worst time lately.
And i don't even know why.
Like. I'll be awesome forlike, half the day. Just, you and me God. No worries.
Then........................something happens. something always happens. some stupid valentine's day commercial. I start thinking about this guy. Or about how I miss that guy. Or about how much I don't want that one to get hurt.

Why do I have to care so much. I've often asked myself that while driving, why do I have to have such a conscience? I'd really love to go more than 40-45mph, but. that's the law. so. i can't.

Wow, this analogy is going to be better than I thought. So. I'm driving through life, and there are these "laws" for my life (not being legalistic, just.......convictions.). So as I'm driving, I have the choice to ignore these convictions that are here to keep me safe, or to abide by them, no matter how much I'd rather speed off at a much faster pace.

So. First off. Why am I driving? God needs to be driving my life. So. To remedy this situation:
Let God drive.
End of story.

Yeah this is really choppy. sorry about that, lol. It's hard to think straight when............your heart and mind and will are racing in different directions.
SIT.
STAY.
Boy I wish they listened as well as my dog. hahaha.
anyway.
sorry for the extreme random-idity...
much love girls.
-Lindsey

This will probably make sense to one person in the universe

2009-01-28T22:04:00.004-07:00

and that's okay. I just need to write. I have no idea which blog this should go on.

saying my heart is confused is an understatement.
I can list four love songs right now that each make me think of different boys.
I can list a million songs that try to remind me to only focus on God.
I can't give a reason the four have my attention.

one of my problems-Valentine's day. I don't care how you slice it, this time of year is the pits for me. I'm so tired of shallow, fake girls getting guys, and....i'm just over in the corner.
Alone.
Again.

I'm tired of people not validating my point of view. I'm tired of watching people make mistakes. I'm tired of trying to stop them. I'm tired of crying for them.

I'm tired of feeling inadequate. I'm tired of feeling like unless I have a boyfriend I don't know love.

I'm tired of struggling with this. I'm tired of pining to be held. Longing for someone who thinks I'm special. I'm tired of wishing someone would call me and just want to talk to me, just because he thinks i'm worth it.

I'm tired of having such a romantic mind that I think about these things. I'm tired of feeling incomplete. I'm tired of it all. And I'm so tired of crying.

Most of all I'm tired of looking God in the face and deciding His love isn't good enough. I'm tired of not being patient with Him. I'm tired of it all.

In short, blog, my heart is in a quandry. I just want to go curl up in a ball and cry.

Are you tired of being tired of it all? Let me know; I want to pray for you.
-Lindsey

Once again....

2009-01-22T10:39:00.004-07:00

Once again, I'm in a funk. A funk where it feels like, the whole word is telling me I need to date. Where I'm incomplete if I don't date. Where....unless I have a boy, life is just...blah.

I hate the world. I hate it when it tells me these things, and I hate myself when I start believing them.

Here's a priceless conversation I had with one of my "brothers," Tyler:

Tyler: You're sick of drama in impact? or just in general? is there a lot going on? I can't blame anyone for being sick of problems.

Me: in general. I am so sick of the world cramming dating down my throat everywhere I go. I'm so tired of girls who can't function without their boys. I'm so tired of feeling inadequate because I've never dated. just tired of the world. tired of caring what it says. not...caring, but...being influenced by it.

Tyler: I honestly think you're doing a great job handling everything, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you, more than you probably know. And a lot of that comes from the fact that you're so patient with God and willing to wait for His plan, and letting Him take care of everything. I'm sure you make him proud. And it is furstrating having to watch girls lean off of their boys, and i'd be lying if I said I had an answer to that. I just hope that you can stay strong and keep running the race, and not let this..meaningless garbage get in the way of the goal, and final prize.

Conversations like that......make me realize that, brothers are just as good as boyfriends. They see everything I wish that certain someone would see, but love me differently for it. Having two boys who are practically just adopted brothers is the greatest gift in the world. If you two are reading this, I appreciate you so much more than you'll ever know. It's pretty ridiculous how much I've been blessed with you two.

But back to my story. while feeling....inadequate, out-of-the-loop, and just...blah, look what God showed me:

"What greater Joy
Is there than this-
To know for what we're meant to live.
To hold your hand,
And touch your face,
To find ourselves in love's embrace.
I want to stand before the king,
join in the song the heavens sing,
I wanna hold the hand that holds the world.
I wanna know the mystery,
reach out and touch the majesty,
I wanna hold the hand that holds the world."
-Hand that Holds the World, Starfield

I love that song. Just think...........sure, you could be walking around town holding the hand of some sweaty old boy who probably smells bad.................

.......................or! you could walk around LIFE holding "the Hand that holds the world"!!!

I do believe I'll take the second.

I want to hold His hand. if I do, someday I'll be holding his (little "h"!) too.
-Lindsey

Trust is sweet

2009-01-11T20:35:00.004-07:00

So a few months ago I decided Iwanted to read the whole Bible, beginning to end. Okay okay I skimmed through the laws...but other than that, I want to read it all.

So I'm currently in Numbers (yes, I read slow). I read Numbers 11 the other night. I was kind of like, okay cool....but then i was like, no, wait, that's there for a reason. Why. Why did God want that story in His Word.

So I kind of tried to analyze it.

The Israelites wanted meat. They were tired of manna. So they started complaining. God heard them and was like, fine, I'll give you meat. Get ready, it's coming tomorrow, and you'll be eating it for a month.

So they're all excited right? Well then they eat and, basically, they get sick and die. (God got ticked and gave them a plague.

Greeeeeat story, huh? I was like, oooookayyy.....what? But I had to think about it. Had to dig. There HAD to be a reason it was here. So I tried to parallel my life with the Israelites.

Mmmm....manna, God gave them manna. God brought them out of slavery and wanted them to be patient while they went to the Promised Land. Manna was a miracle; and it was enough to satisfy them.

Mmmm....God gave me life; He's called my name and I've answered. He's asking me to be patient while He molds me more before I find my prince. Life is a miracle; and God is enough to satisfy.

The people got sick of manna. They were sad they'd ever left Egypt. They complained.

I'm ashamed to say this-I got sick of waiting. I've had self-pity, wondered why I'm not good enough for the amazing guys I've met.

God gave the Israelites what they were whining for. And..............it didn't turn out so hot for them.

I really don't want to whine to God and have Him get annoyed. I don't want Him to be like "LINDSEY! If you're NOT going to trust me, fine, date whatever bum you want. Just don't be mad at ME when he turns out to be a jerk."

I'm not saying that venting to God is wrong at all. It's just, complaining is. I talk to God about my struggles all the time. And He always comforts me.

That's the difference. Complaining and wanting your way, versus sharing struggles and wanting correction, strength, grace.

So once again, the Israelites are not as different from us as we often believe they are. Just because we don't get amazing bread and complain about it doesn't mean we're not guilty of very much the same sins.

Take your heart to God. Let Him hold onto it. And don't complain about it. Just wait until you see what He's got planned. It's going to be awesome :)
-Lindsey

God IS everywhere.

2008-12-28T23:12:00.006-07:00

[original, not the same as my faithfreaks* version]

So, I've been sharing my struggles here. Struggles about waiting, about trusting. All in the name of "love." hahaha.
that sounded sarcastic. I didn't mean it like that. Love is real; my obsession with it is what's not so hot.
mmm, i just bit into a milky way, and let me tell ya, it is delcious.
OKAY sorry. I love my chocolate. I'm having a girl night with myself lol. anyway.
I'm usually the kind of person who thinks God has to talk to you using the Bible. Like, that's His Word, so that's the only way He's going to talk to me, right?

Wrong.

[Discalimer-this does not give us the right to skip devotions. I'm merely trying to point out that maybe God is saying more than we realize, and we should listen up more. The Bible is like, the most amazing book ever. Not reading it is like not wearing your seatbelt-stupid and only ends up hurting you in the long run.]

So I get this tremendous movie craving last night for the Lakehouse. Good cow that's an amazing movie. So I run to target on my way home and snatch it up for only nine dollars, that and a milky way. So at about eleven last night I curled up on the couch in my new jammies, with my fuzzy green robe, a cup of hot chocolate, and my milky way to watch this movie. I just felt like getting drowned in sapiness.

SPOILER ALERT:
The entire point of this movie, is waiting. The only way these two people can be together is...to wait. I just kinda sat there a minute when it was over. I was like, whoa. I've been wrestling with that; reading about it; praying about it...and here God uses a movie to speak to me.

My point? God is absolutely EVERYWHERE. Don't confine Him to your quiet times and Sunday mornings. God is talking all the time. Are you listening?

I just thought that was so cool. It makes me excited, too. That was such a sweet love story, and it's...not even possible, lol. Just wait till God writes your love story. It's gonna be so sweet. I am so excited to...sit back and wait. Is that weird? I don't think so. I love this. I'm embracing this season of my life totally different lately. Like, I don't even care anymore. Something has clicked, finally. My life is more than who so and so likes, whether or not it's me, how bad so and so are together; it's more important to me than that now because I realize how much more important it is to God.

It's cool. I like this feeling. I think I'll keep it around for a while :)

So....go watch the lakehouse! hahahahaha. goooood movie.

no seriously, just be looking for God everywhere you go. It may surprise you how much you've been tuning Him out.

-Lindsey
(And her chocolate...)
[*faithfreaks is a Christian alternative to myspace, and it's the coolest thing since sliced bread! Check it out! www.faithfreaks.com
www.faithfreaks.com/linz]

'Tis the season...

2008-12-25T12:22:00.004-07:00

Christmas season makes me more lonely for him, doesn't it you? To see all those cute couples in awe at the Christmas lights and whatnot, it's just like, Mr. X, why are you taking such a very long time to show yourself?

My amazing sister gave me a copy of I Kissed Dating Goodbye for Christmas this year. I don't think she knows how amazing and perfect and wonderful of a gift that was. I have been pouring over it (and i'm only on page 40, i pour slowly, lol.) ever since I got home from Mexico yesterday.

This Joshua Harris guy is one of my new favorite people, haha. He talks about enjoying the "season of singleness." Season. So this isn't just an in-between-time from childhood to marriage. It's a season. It's supposed to be here. I'm supposed to learn something while I'm waiting to find mr. x.

So, in this Christmas season, don't get weary with your Season of Singleness. Enjoy it. Embrace it. It's a unique time in your life; a time without strings; a time to just dig for God with everything you are.

Merry Christmas, and Merry Singleness, it truly is a gift :)

"Until you relaize God's gift of your singleness, you'll probably miss out on the incredible opportunities it holds. Perhaps even now you can think of an opportunity you could grasp if you let go of the dating mindset. As a single, you have the freedom right now to explore, study, and tackle the world. No other time in your life will offer these chances."
-Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, chapter 4

EVERYONE on earth needs that book. just so you know ;)

I just had to say it.

2008-12-02T14:44:00.003-07:00

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to find a heart-shaped anything in nature? I went out today on a hunt for a heart-shaped rock.

I looked all over this huge backyard. I saw lots of rocks that from far off looked like hearts. Another chunk was always covered up or something; there were never any real heart rocks. I did find a half heart. That was kind of depressing. haha.

But it made me think. If even a "love" ROCK is this hard to find, how much harder must it be to find real love?

Sure, something may LOOK like love. From far away. Or maybe even up close. But...dig a little, you might be missing something.

Or maybe you're pretending this rock you found is a heart. Everyone knows it's not, even you do too. But you deny it, and tell yourself if you say it's love long enough maybe, just maybe, it will become love.

I'm here to tell you-stop kidding yourself. You can't make a square into a heart no matter how much you wish it'd work. You can't force love. You can't missionary date. You can't pretend. You can't overlook stuff. Maybe that person you're with just isn't the right one. But maybe you're too afraid to look somewhere else. Maybe you're afraid that if you pass this one up, you'll never find anything better.

I believe you will. Don't settle. DO NOT SETTLE. If you only get one thing out of this I'm begging you DO NOT SETTLE! God has someone amazing for you. WHY are you settling for a square when God has a heart out there for you somewhere? WHY? It will be better for you both if you stop now. Infactuation is easily gotten over. Don't wait till you're married with kids to decide settling wasn't the best idea.

Don't give up. Don't lose hope. Just because you haven't found your heart rock yet doesn't mean you never will.

Don't settle for a square. Keep looking.

Please...
Keep looking.

Love story!

2008-11-28T10:25:00.004-07:00

If you can't watch it, here's the lines I'll be talking about:

"I got tired of waiting,
Wonderin' if you were ever comin' around.
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town...
And I said 'Romeo, save me,
I've been feeling so alone,
I keep waitin' for you
But you never come
is this in my head?
I don't know what to think'
He knelt to the ground
And pulled out a ring and said:
'Marry me, Juliet!
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your Dad
Go and pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say...
Yes."
-Love Story, Taylor Swift

Now, I really don't like secular music. I don't listen to it. But I bought this song. Why? Those lines above. I love those lines. Why? Because. they're me.

I am getting tired of waiting; I'm wondering when I'll meet him. And I have been feeling alone, even though I know I'm not.

But! See what happens? She did wait for him. She didn't give up hope. And...?
"He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring."

So see? Just hang in there. You'll get your love story. The most important thing for me is to give up the pen and let God write it. If you know me at all, you know I'm a hopeless romantic. Sappy movies, sappy books, sappy songs-if it's got a sweet love story I'm there, and usually in tears. I also like to write, as if you couldn't tell. I like to write sweet things.

Now, to look at this from God's perspective in a way authors can relate to...
Suppose you're writing a wonderful love story, but you're doing it so very carefully; making sure each character is fully developed before getting to the big push of the plot. Well suppose you came in to write one morning and the manuscript and been finished. One of your characters just pulled out a pen and scribbled all over it to make it how they thought it should end.

Would your story be as amazing? Would it be so stellar that everyone who read it would be touched?

No. Not in the least. Why? Because the character didn't understand why you, the author, put Billy in the hospital when she was in love with him. She didn't understand why you sent Roger to war and kiss another girl. She didn't know what your plan was. She didn't realize how much sweeter your story would have been.

That's what I'm trying to avoid. I don't want to have a boring love story because I wouldn't let God put in the sweet little intracies of it. I want a good one, one that will make me warm and fuzzy inside for as long as I live.

Ladies, give up the pen. God is a much better author than you are.

And don't get tired of waiting; God will bring him around :) WITH a ring, ps. don't even think he's worth anything if he doesn't have that ring.

-Lindsey

Affirmation anyone?

2008-11-11T19:58:00.007-07:00

So today I got to babysit for a pretty needy kid. He's had a really rough life and...well I don't feel like ranting on parenting right now, this blog isn't about that. But it was an awesome experience.

So I took Christopher to the park. It's fun, it's outdoorsy, and it's a chance to improve his motor skills.

There was a young woman (I thought like...23ish) and a 2-year-old boy playing there. Well the boys hit it off so she and I just started talking as well.

So she says "Babysitting?"

And I'm all "Yeah!"

And she was all "Sophomore?"

"haha, no, I'm a senior."

"Really?! You don't look it! You're so little!" (haha, wow, how many times have I heard THAT one? LOL....okay only three times.)

"Haha, yeah, no one thinks I am."

*she looks away at the boys, shades her eyes from the sun, and matter of factly says* "Don't have sex. It's not worth it."

"Oh, don't worry."

Somehow she told me, this kid is her son. She's 18.

My heart broke for her. I cherished her honesty, her ability to admit that what she did was stupid. Her ability to share her mistakes in hopes to save another girl from pain. I was blown away.

She also asked me if I had a boyfriend. "Nope...!" I answered, unsure what spin to put in my voice from the obvious struggles in my heart.

"Good. Keep it that way for a while."

That made me smile. It was like God was just telling me to not worry. I love the way He did it too. Through a humble, 18-year-old mother.

Her story has a happy ending however. She found a guy who is working 2 jobs to let her stay home with her son Connor. She's going to school until 10PM and doing homework till midnight to get her paralegal degree, and waking up at 4:30 with her son. I didn't want to press her, but you could tell she was full of regret. But she loved her son more fully than some married mothers do. It was a sweet scene to watch. It was hard for me to keep in mind that she was less than a year older than I...and so much of her life had been drastically altered. All because she didn't....wait, and trust.

I am so thankful for her testimony. I hope she shares it with a lot of girls. She's engaged, and I am so happy for her. I'll never forget her, and she is so on my list of people to pray for. I'm so thankful she had a happier ending than the average teen pregnancy story.

So, just wait. You'll be so happy you did.

-Latte

From Mocha (at last!)

2008-11-10T13:52:00.005-07:00

Well, Last weekend, I went to a district-wide choir (along with Latte.)
And, let me tell you, a ton of stupid drama happened.
Ugh.
I hate drama.
Especially when it involves immature guys and girls stupid enough not to know their own worth.
In order to keep my spirits up, I asked one of my friends how she was, in reference to a guy who took her to homecoming. She beamed at me, and said that he was now her boyfriend!! This made me really happy, and it was so sweet how Christine's face lit up when she showed me a pic of her boyfriend.
Now, How does this make me happy, and not hypocritical, in light of my rant about Bf/Gf's approximately 5 lines up?
Well, Here are my reasons:
One, Christine had had a friendship with this guy for at least a year (I believe) until they started going out. None of this "Oh my goodness, you're so cute, let's date, oh, yeah, What's your name?"
It frustrates me to NO end that girls are willing to toss out real relationships in order for short term attention and infatuation. (Not saying it isn't hard.) Not to mention the way that guys will play with girls hearts, getting close to them physically, and then saying, "well, it was a mistake.. I didn't mean for her to take it that seriously."
Two, Christine is seventeen, about. she is not 14. not 13. not 11. Our culture has lowered and lowered the "dating bar" until, man, if you haven't been kissed by 15 years of age, "you're a prude!" or "you're not pretty enough!" "If you aren't wanted sexually by the age of thirteen, then you aren't really of value." That's the message I hear screaming from every advertisement, every show and Movie (Even the "wholesome" ones), EV-ER-Y-WHERE.
Even in the "clean" High school musical (take your pick), "Sure, You're allowed to be different, just make sure you're different like everyone else!!!"
Anyway,moving away form my mini-rant...
Three, Christine is mature. I mean, no, she's not in adulthood yet, or anything, but she's thought this through, and, most importantly, she's WAITED. She didn't flirt with guys to get their attention, she let the guy come to her first. In my opinion, if a guy who likes you isn't willing to make the first move and pursue you, then he's not a guy worth your time. Christine gave me this advice (which I heartily agree with): "Just wait. Let the good guys come to you first."

*Sigh of happiness* I definitely feel like God told her to tell me that. That's what I needed to hear. Because no matter how hard I try to drown out this faulty world, it still screams to me the same thing it screams to everybody else.
And, So, I'm just telling you: Just wait. Wait for God's timing. God knows the deepest, most acute desires of your heart, if you wait and trust in him, he will bring you your desires. Because, "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" (Matthew 7:11)

I always thought that asking God for stuff for myself is a little selfish. But I need to remember, God is my Father!! And I don't know about anyone else, but I love to give gifts!! And just running with that same line of thought, that must mean God loves to give gifts too.
Now, this doesn't mean I'll be getting a ferarri (probably EVER) but it does mean that God will give me a husband, etc. and much more- When God's time is right.

~Mocha

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. " -Luke 11:9-10

Inner, not outer beauty

2008-11-05T16:24:00.008-07:00

So I'm in this Christian choir that meets about once a month all over our church district.

This weekend, I'll admit I was a little shallow...and wore makeup just because everyone else was*. I usually just don't bother, but this weekend I was like...well, so and so is, I don't want to look "worse"...so I will too.

Yeah that was just dumb. Because during one of our songs, I saw one of the younger members looking back up at ME to see if she was doing the right things.

She wasn't looking at me because I looked as good as so and so, but because I talked to her, helped her feel included.
(I'm not trying to be prideful here, lol)

So next time you're tempted to put on makeup because everyone else is...just remember, it's not how you look that will make people admire you and want to be your friend.
It's what's in your heart.
And ultimately, I'm pretty sure Prince Phillip cares more about that too :)

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NOTE: Why Latte uses Prince Phillip and not Prince Charming.
Pretty much I'm obsessed with sleeping Beauty. It's my favorite movie. Prince Phillip is the prince in that movie. He actually got to know his princess and fought for her.
Prince Charming saw Cinderella, and then sent his duke out to do all the work to find her. LAME! I don't want a guy like that. I want a Phillip :)
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-Latte

*DISCLAIMER: I'm NOT condemning makeup AT ALL. I understand why people wear it :) I just choose not to most of the time, so when my only motivation for wearing it was to keep up with other people, i felt shallow. I don't think makeup is necessarily shallow unless you're wearing it to make other people envy you or something, or if you can't go out in public without it on. That's just not healthy :)

No One to Blame but myself...

2008-10-20T21:47:00.001-07:00

Well I guess I could blame the guy for being so nice....

But that's a major cop-out.

Yes, indeed, it was I. I let my emotions run out of control. I let myself believe...

Ach, whatever. It's in the past now. You're probably lost. I'm just getting onto myself over kinda liking a guy when I knew it wouldn't go anywhere.

Why do I do that? Why do I try to fill the God-sized hole in my heart with a guy? Honestly? I mean, I don't "worship" the guy, and I still look for God, but...I dunno, I'm sure you girls understand what I'm saying.

I wonder...how that makes God feel. I'm sure he's not particularly thrilled about it.

I guess it all comes down to trust. But am I really trying to take matters into my own hands? How will I know when it's God telling me? I don't even understand myself.

But I do understand one thing. God is the sovreign of the universe, and He cares about little old me. Little, not so cool, not so amazing me. Little miss messes up. He cares about me enough to send his only Son to die a sinner's death on the cross. If he cares about me that much, it only makes sense that He care about my emotions. He's not going to give me a frog. He'll bring me a prince. I just have to trust.
And chill.

I guess it's like that Superchick song, Barlowgirls.
"They won't date, the won't date,
They wanna see how they're gonna grow up,
Who they're gonna be.
But in the mean time they might feel unloved
When all the girls around them are hookin' up."

Yeah, okay, that song is me. I don't want to date right now, honestly, I don't. And yeah, it bugs me when I see these girls who aren't secure in who they are or anything, and they're getting all these guys. I'm like seriously?

But I have no reason to feel unloved. GOD, the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE, LOVES ME!!!! Why am I not satisfied with that?!

Because I'm looking in on the world. I'm sitting on the edge of God's hand, dangling my legs, looking down over the world. "But look, God, see that? That's so cute. I want that!" I point, looking back at God with big eyes.

God smiles at me gently. "No, you don't. That's not my plan for you. Not right now."

"But God! It's so sweet!"

"Why do you think you need some guy to like you? I love you; isn't that enough?"

How am I answering him? How are you answering him? Do you say "Well...yeah...but..." swing your feet, and jump out of His hand to go check out this "dating scene"?

Or do you smile, draw up your knees, turn to God, and say "You're right, I'm sorry God. Tell me a story." And cuddle in His hand, basking in his radiance?

If I'm completely honest...I've been saying "Well...yeah...but...." and I'm tired of it. Time to draw in my knees, cuddle in the palm of His hand, and wait.

Will you just cuddle in the warmth of His hand, let His voice be enough, let His love fill every corner of your heart?

~Latte
"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."
-2 Timothy 2:22
Build each other up! Get in a good Christian circle and strive for Christ everyday!!

Somber. -Mocha

2008-10-19T13:15:00.000-07:00

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent.
~Psalm 22
This week has probably been one of the most depressing weeks of my life. I have been stressed, pressured, crushed, depressed, and sleep-deprived. I stayed up ‘till 2:30 am last night, talking with one of my friends. We started out talking about time, then the universe, then God, then Baptism at birth, and then we started talking about vegetables-people who are unresponsive to anything and are supported completely by life support. But then we turned to people who are well in body, but are unresponsive to any interaction. I had a feeling that if we talked long enough our conversation would head this way. You see, my friend’s mother has Alzheimer’s.

A silence permeated the room, as both of us thought of the unspoken words that were insinuated in our discussion. I wanted to say something, to comfort her, but what can you say when your friend’s mother is dying of the cruelest disease ever known?

My throat literally constricted, as the silence went on for over a minute. Finally, I was able to whisper, “ Bella*, I’m so sorry about your mom.” My heart broke as she poured out her unspoken fears about her mother’s disease. There are so many complications. Alzheimer’s is hereditary. Bella’s Grandmother had it too. So she has a choice to either take a test and see if she has it- or to live her life not knowing whether she has inherited it. She has a 50% percent chance of having Alzheimer’s. So we cried as she told me of all this. Her mother hides her illness very well, but she has begun to forget words.

You might ask why I am saying all this, besides the fact that I get to vent. Well, I want to show you some more of psalm 22, probably the most angst-ridden psalm in the whole book.

"…I am a worm and not a man, scorned by men and despised by the people.
All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads:
I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.
Dogs have surrounded me;
a band of evil men has encircled me,
they have pierced my hands and my feet.
I can count all my bones;
people stare and gloat over me.
They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing."

(Does this sound familiar?) The psalm starts out with a question that probably all of us have struggled with at least once in our lifetime. That very same question was asked by Jesus. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, asked God why he had been forsaken.

When we go through the trials of life, and we experience rejection, hatred, death, and loneliness- Jesus has been there too. God rejected Jesus, hated him, ignored him as he was on the cross- because Jesus took on all our sin, and became our sin. Honestly, I don’t have a happy ending to this blog. The easy-to-say question with no easy answer (WHY) is still running through my mind.

But thank God there is a possible happy ending to life- And also Death. Through his Son we have the opportunity to be in Heaven.
~Mocha
(*Please pray for Bella and her family.)

A little from Latte :)

2008-10-18T20:16:00.000-07:00

Ever heard that song "I Wonder" by Joy Williams?
"Pondering mysteries with a girlfriend over tazzleberry tea
And an open Bible..."
(Girlfriend as in, girls that are friends, not...yeah.)

If you're like most people, probably not, because well, she's not terribly well known. But I happen to love her music. That song in particular is on my brain. I just got back from youth group and a walking-around-target venting session with my friend, Toffe. We were definitely "pondering mysteries," and now I'm drinking hot cocoa...ok ok it's not tazzleberry tea (does anyone even know what that really is?), but...yeah.

I like the second line. "An open Bible." Isn't that the true source of wisdom anyway? The best place to look for answers is, of course, the Bible. So if you're going to ask questions, look to the right place for answers.

Anyway, those first two paragraphs are not at all what this blog is about. Perhaps you'd like to know what it IS about then, eh? I thought you'd never ask :)

So, I, Latte, have been reading lots and lots of dating/guy books, all Christ-centered and stuff, and have been finding the same thing: Wait for God to show you who you're going to marry. Great, it's amazing advice, but they never go past that. Never say how I can do that.

Thankfully, I have my amazing friends-Toffee, Mocha, and Jamba- to help me navigate this horrible hormone-filled world we live in. So I got to thinking yesterday, well, if I'm having this much of a hard time and I do have this amazing support team, what about the girls out there that aren't as blessed as I am?

Hence this blog. I (we all do, really) want to be here for YOU. I want to share how God is helping me overcome my struggles and what He's doing in my life in hopes that it will encourage you as you wait until your prince comes, and you wait with God.

I'm not perfect. What I say is not the do-all, be-all, end-all. I just want to put out there how amazing God is in working through things we don't understand.

Have you ever noticed how much life is like a puzzle? You know it's going to end up being beautiful if you trust the Artist's plan, but at the moment it seems like such a mess...

At the moment. Now. In these crazy teenage years, if we plant our focus in Christ, and Christ alone...life will be absolutely amazing. It always is when God is the center. I want to encourage you to do so through this blog.

The ONLY purpose of this blog is to point to Christ.

So....yeah :) We'll try to update a lot!
~Latte
"May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all."-1 Corinthians 13:14